List #11 - Priorities of the now

#1 - National Boards - I've got about 3 weeks left to finish this project, and I'm only about halfway done. Maybe. I'm spending all afternoon and evening on Mondays and Thursdays writing, then two more evenings at home, and a good chunk of my weekends.

#2 - Health - trying to fit in yoga, naps, non-microwaved food, time to talk about feelings n shit. I get each of those things maybe once or twice a week right now...not the best case, but once I'm done with National Boards and school for the year, I'll get to yoga and nap lots!

#3 - Work - it's insane at the moment. Not in any horrible awful "I hate this" kind of way, but in the way of Prom is next Saturday and I'm organizing it, and we're trying to sell tshirts and hoodies but people aren't buying so we may lose money, so I need to figure out another fundraiser, and also AP tests start May 5th so that's a lot of work, and also I'm one of the main graduation planners this year, plus I have to do student gov interviews and find a sub for my maternity leave....and that whole teaching thing too.

#4 - Time with my little family - they just keep losing out right now. The kiddo has been staying up a little later, so I'm seeing him for at least 30 mins most nights, and I've gotten a couple evenings with the big compound fam which has been lovely. But I don't feel like I see any of them often enough. E is clearly agreeing with me, because he's glued to my side whenever we're both home together, and demanding attention if I step away for even a moment...bathroom doors shoved open, climbing up to kiss my face piles of times while I'm researching, throwing things, shouting...I get it kiddo, I really do...I wish I had more time. Soon.

#5 - Housekeeping and other chores - I've so been dumping all of this on Ross. And he's been great about it. Clean clothes show up in my drawers at least once a week, and the house gets picked up, dishes get done. Our little family gets taken care of, and I'm so thankful.

#6 - Friends - I think I've still got some! Hopefully seeing one or two tomorrow for a going-away party for a great friend who's moving to Baltimore to attend Johns Hopkins. The time away from writing makes me feel anxious, but she's worth it.

#7 - Blogging - clearly. Oh well. It's not like I'm not writing ALL THE TIME anyways.

List #9 - Silly reasons I haven't been blogging

1. I'm all pregnant, which means I'm tired, which means I go to bed crazy early lately.

2. I usually get over writer's block with a glass of wine...not happening anymore. I miss wine.
3. I'm busy doing fabulous photo shoots. My modeling career is really in demand. I've been going to such exotic places as my dining room.

4. The kiddo has been taking short baths...and I usually do all the Etsy managing and blogging during bath time.
5. I'm busy trying to figure out how to watch American Idol online so I can see MK perform. (It's not possible...only highlights and bootlegs allowed. Boooo)
6. Work has been total madness - We put on a Drag Ball, which was an awesomely huge success and was great for the kids (I work at a school that has a very active and effective GSA, and acts in many ways as a safe haven for kids who might struggle to fit in at other high schools). But man, was it a lot of work. I've also been on a committee that's working to increase our diversity and relevance, and that's involved a lot of travel, and a lot of time lost in Excel spreadsheets. It's all good stuff, and I like it, but it's busy stuff too.
7. I fell down a Pinterest wormhole planning my sister's 30th Birthday/Baby Shower/Housewarming Party. It was super fun, and I did all sorts of lovely crafty fun things. Which I promptly forgot to take good Pinterest-Worthy pictures of. I'll never be a successful mommy-blogger that way! Or at least, not one who's good at pretending to do all the things perfectly!

There were also adorable Oreo pops, some pretty funny games, seriously photo-worthy decorations...but all I got were a bunch of pictures of people having fun, one shot of the cupcakes and my kiddo scribbling all over the calendar! Priorities, Lyn! Ha!
8. House of Cards...seriously.

Magic Snow, or how to make a giant mess

I really truly cannot figure out how all these pristine mommy-bloggers do it! They craft gorgeous educational activities, photograph them every step of the way, engage their kids in them (neatly, of course!), put up stunning pictures and still seem to have time to do things like cook dinner afterwards! It's amazing.

 That is so not how crafty fun time goes at my house. I had been wanting to try this "magic snow" recipe and activity for ages (since before Christmas) but I always had a feeling it wasn't going to go as smoothly as it looked here, where I found it first (lovely photos of this activity happening indoors are about 1/3 of the way down the page).

I was so right. The kiddo had a great time, don't get me wrong. But neat and pretty this was not. My back porch is still recovering, and I'm pretty sure there's cornstarch in all the crevices of my phone.

We did two "scienspeewments:"  magic snow and oobleck. Of course, I didn't take the proper ingredients picture until after the hurricane of kid fun had ended.

Hopefully your kitchen ingredients don't look like this! 

To make snow, mix together baking soda and shaving cream until it's the consistency you want. It's actually cool stuff...smells like clean soap, feels a bit cool to the touch, and is kinda squishy but moldable. I'm sure there are actual amounts you're supposed to use, but we kept adding more shaving cream about every 5 minutes. Mostly because E would get ahold of the shaving cream and put more in there. He's way too good at reaching things. It did seem to dry out fairly quickly, though, so I think he was on the right track.

Squish

 We made a snowman. I used parts of the plants I have growing on the porch for the eyes and nose.

It looks like he's stoned and vomiting.

 Oobleck was next. I was excited about this, because I used to love teaching about this stuff when I worked at a preschool. Simple stuff - just corn starch and water, mixed well. I have no idea about amounts, but you've probably made this before, because I think most everyone has, so you should be ok. Just mix til it does that weird thing where it looks like it's a liquid but when you press on it, it's not.

About 3 seconds after I got this picture, he dumped the bowl on my pants

We had a good time with the Oobleck for a bit, but he kept finding the darn shaving cream and trying to add it to stuff.

All proper back porches should have an unusable desk chair

 Finally, we decided to mix the snow and oobleck together. It turned out just about how you'd expect. Half snowy play-dough, half gooey fake liquid stuff. Totally fun to play with.

Mixing, very messily

 And then, the kiddo realized the hose was right there. So he added water. Then sprayed me.

See, if I hadn't been trying to take pictures, I would've been able to get out of the way of this!

 After that, I realized any semblance of neatness was totally lost, and just let him go for it. And it was adorable! He splashed and giggled and got this stuff all over the place.

A seriously happy kid

 So to all you parents who can do this kind of stuff inside - I commend you. You must be incredibly good at multi-tasking! Or you have 8 arms. Or maybe you're cyborgs who can just take photos by blinking. And have children who actually stop spraying you with a hose when you shout "No no no stop please hey kiddo you're getting water in the house!" Mine just giggles. But then again, I did too.

How can you not smile at that happy mess of a child?

 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today, I'm thankful for Pinterest, cause I wouldn't have found this fun project without it. Also for gummy bears, Diana Krall albums, ginger ale, and most definitely our washer and dryer.

SEO, or learning how to tag

This whole thing really is an adventure in learning how to work the internet. I really thought I understood how search and other stuff worked, but I definitely did not. I learned yesterday that the tags I use on Etsy should be phrases, not individual words! I'd been putting up all the individual words that I thought would make up the searches people would use to find our stuff. So my tags for the cute little Penguin Painting on Etsy yesterday read something like this:

penguin
painting
watercolor
original
black
white
8x10
kids room

But that's no good! People would need to just search for "painting" or "black" in order for any of Ross's work to show up. So now, I've been slowly working on updating the tags, and it actually helped already! Now, the tags look more like this:

greeting cards
paper goods
butterfly cards
blank cards
thank you cards
custom cards
monarch butterfly

A couple of the things I edited have already started getting some more action on Etsy. People are favoriting them, and following the shop, which is awesome! I'm also trying out the tag "Mother in law gift" becaue I feel like that might be one of the toughest gifts to figure out, and I think that the butterfly cards in particular would be good for moms in law! We'll see...my fingers are crossed!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm thankful today for egg-nog, space heaters, mirepoix, colleagues who keep me sane in the midst of a ton of crazy, and my sister, who told me that it's ok to let things slide, just for a bit, every once in a while. And she's so right.

Finding Your Passion (not the dirty kind...this isn't that kind of blog)

We got back from Chicago late last night, and all I wanna say about it right now is that I fucking love my family. The best. Ever. I'll probably fill you in on the visit at some point, but not today.

Today, I want to write about this article, called "How to Identify the One Thing You Were Born To Do," which is a terrible title, but not necessarily a terrible thing to try to figure out . Ross showed it to me today, and it's been really interesting to talk to him about it. See, we're just about to do an actual launch of the business. I'm in the process of registering our business name, and we've got holds on a couple of website domains so that we can try to really make this happen. Is it jumping the gun? Maybe...but as Ross and I have worked on building this up (me doing the writing and the networking, and him doing the art and creating ideas), we've gotten more and more attached to making Paint By Number Parents work as a real business. He is loving painting every day, and I'm remembering that I've been a writer (though never really professionally) for a long time. Plus there are piles of other reasons we want to make this happen: we work well together; he's going to be a stay-at-home dad for a while still; we need some more income but we don't want E to be in full time childcare; with a new baby on the way at Kelle's house, Ross is going to have his hands full taking care of kiddos so school may take longer than expected. Plus the whole thing is fun, but I think I mentioned that already.

Anyways, Ross showed me this article today and it got us both thinking about how this project kind of actually fits who we are and what we love. Or, as Steve Olsher puts it, Paint By Number Parents just may be our "what." Figuring out your passion can apparently be done in three simple steps, which is awesome, and so I'm not only going to go through them myself, but I'm gonna make Ross do it on here too. It's about time his voice got added in as more than a critic of contemporary music.

We start, of course, with step 1: Answer the Question: What do you love?

Focus on the activities and interactions that lift your soul. Avoid listing skills you’re good at simply because you’ve practiced them over time. Now, dig even deeper. Remember a time years ago when you laughed hysterically? What triggered the laughter? And as an adult, what gives you goose bumps? Maybe it’s the moment when you come up with a really good idea and realize you’ve found the solution you’ve been looking for. Tie the goose bumps moment to descriptions that encapsulate the activity in noun or adjective form — such as singing, teaching or healing. When recalling a special moment, try not to be too literal; look for the subtext. For example, imagine you have a fond memory of an evening spent bowling with your grandmother. Instead of writing “bowling with Grammy” on your list, broaden it to “investing time with a beloved family member.”

This one is pretty easy, at least to start. I love teaching because I love explaining things...if you've ever hung out with me after I've had more than one glass of white wine, you know this. I just can't help myself - the words are out of my mouth before my brain has a chance to tell me that no one's interested in the love affairs of Louis XIV. I love writing, and telling stories. I love reading. So. Much. And cooking. I really like cooking, especially with Ross, making things with much too much butter. I love my family, and playing board games with them after dinner. I love wine - the flavors, the varieties, the fanciness, the opportunity to make fun of the fanciness. I love gossip, which means I love news, and politics and soap operas. I love cuddling, and capers (the sneaky kind, not the salty kind). I love terribly good music (If Neil Diamond and MC Hammer teamed up together to cover Debbie Gibson songs, I just might die in an explosion of glitter and snarky bliss.)

Next, step 2: Answer the Question: What do you loathe?

If you’re clear about which activities you despise, you can establish a strong foundation for moving your life forward by starting to let them go. Whatever it is that pushes your buttons (in a bad way), write them down. Even if you worry that others might see these things as petty, include them. The key is to acknowledge your thoughts and feelings. Now, reflect on why you deplore an activity. Tie these moments to descriptions that encapsulate the activity in noun or adjective form — for example, cleaning, watching TV, eating unhealthy food, being around miserable people, shopping.

Oooooh, fun game. Ok, I hate: people who are in the way (seriously, you don't have to stop your shopping cart in the middle of the aisle, make small talk with the clerk at the DMV, walk three people wide on the sidewalk, or drive slowly); defeatism; technology that doesn't work; being out of touch with the people I love; spiders; intolerance, or lack of compassion; when people say "nucular" instead of "nuclear"; Garrison Keillor's smug voice and the fact that he has a weekly program that people listen to; blaming the victim;  Men's Rights Activitsts; when people don't see their privilege; running (seriously, why would you make people do this?!); the NRA (and all other instances of promotion of violence as an answer to any problem, including other violence); actually, that last one should probably just say "violence of any kind" because I'm a big ol' hippie; not being taken seriously when I'm trying to be serious, or having my actions/complaints dismissed as unimportant, or not being able to do something about "it," whatever the "it" may be.

And finally, step 3: Discover the Seven Seeds of Your Soul

Get your lists of Things I Love Doing and Things I Hate Doing. Start with the top item on your list of Things I Love Doing and ask yourself each of the six questions below as it relates to the activity. Each answer should be a definitive yes or no.

1. Even if you didn’t get paid a cent for it, would you still do this?
2. Would doing this inspire you every day?
3. Does doing this come as naturally to you as breathing?
4. Do you feel you’ve been given a special gift to do this?
5. Does time seem to fly by when you’re engaged in this activity?
6. Can you possibly make money doing this?

Ok, so I can answer "Yes" to all these questions for: Teaching, writing, and cooking. Next!

When you arrive at an item with six yes answers, circle it and then ask yourself this final question: Does performing this activity involve anything on my list of Things I Hate Doing?

Hmmmm...actually, teaching may just be the only one of those things that doesn't fit...but I can't know for sure, because I've never tried to write or cook professionally, and if you don't know that doing something as a job is different than doing something for fun, you have never tried to follow your dreams. Also, I love teaching. And I teach at an amazing school, which in part means that I can do more than one thing, since teaching hours are so conducive to life outside of work, if you're doing it right! So with that, I'm gonna hand this off to Ross, who has just finished making me a dee-yicious salad for dinner. Next post will be from him!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today, I'm thankful for a grocery store that's nearby, for salad, for people who believe that "it takes a village to raise a child," for "Parks and Recreation," and for sake.

A Science Experiment - Think You Know the Result?

You may know this, or you may not, but my stunning amazing little sister is going to be having a baby in April!!! I'm crazy excited - I get to hold and smell and love on a new little one so soon, and Kelle is going to be an amazing mom, and it's all just so much to be ridiculously happy about that some days I think I may explode.

Glowing, happy, gorgeous!

So a couple of days ago, after we went to the Tilden Steam Trains, we dropped the kiddo off at home for a nap and headed out to Park St. for a much needed pedicure. Seriously, my toes were sporting some green polish and remnants of daisies from the last time I visited my family in SoCal, which was over the summer. Totally not sandal-worthy. Not that there's any reason to be wearing sandals right now. It would be a bad idea to wear sandals, actually, because it's been chilly here, so really, I could have just taken off the nail polish and no one would have ever known, because no one's seeing my toes right now except for Ross, and he for sure doesn't give a damn if they're polished or not.

But we went anyways, because our pedicure spot is awesome and it comes with a massage chair. Plus we got Thai food beforehand. I'd been craving dim sum, but Kelle vetoed that, and there's no way I'm going to contradict a hungry pregnant woman, so Thai it was! And really, how can you be unhappy with a meal that includes a Thai ice tea. It's just not possible.

While we were pedicuring, we talked to Sophie, the owner, about the baby-on-the-way, and about how we both think it's a girl. Which got us to talking about all the old wives tales regarding predicting a baby's gender. Which of course led to a caper, because when Kel and I spend any length of time together, something very silly is going to happen. And it sure did. We found websites. With lots and lots of silly ways to predict your baby's gender. And it was all downhill from there.

At first, it was only about cataloging the easy ones - What does she think the baby will be (mother's intuition is one of the more reliable predictors - cool, right?) She thinks girl, and so does everyone else, except her man!

Is she carrying high or low? (we didn't know what this one meant, but lots of people say she's carrying high, so it must mean something!) Beach ball or football? (Apparently girls make a mom's belly wider than boys do)  Looks pretty footbally to us!

Also, pretty sneechy

 Feeling pretty or feeling unattractive? (Girls "steal your beauty," the jerks) I think she's extra stunning as a pregnant lady! Is the dad gaining weight? (He wouldn't fess up, and Kel's smart, so we left this as the other "maybe?") Is she craving sweet things or salty things? (Definitely sweet...she cried a few weeks ago because Tommy brought home lemonade instead of limeade.) Girls apparently make you want sweets.

But why stop there? There's so much more ridiculous stuff to consider! Like: How does she grab a key when it's presented to her? (Fat part=boy, skinny part=girl, because, of course).

I surprised her with this one in the supermarket. It's not that startling of a thing, but she jumped a mile into the air. I think it runs in the family.

Is she extra moody? (Women are happier while pregnant with a baby boy because "they have a little penis inside them.") I'm not gonna put in a vote on this one, because I'm not that dumb, and Tommy wouldn't either (good man)...but Kel said she thinks she's been moody, so I'll go with it.

Is there a "V" or branch shape on her eyeball? (This was almost impossible to get a picture of because I kept tearing up when I looked at her eyes. Sorry if it does the same to you. You can just pretend you're crying because you watched that awesome video I posted about last week.)

We decided yes, there was...which apparently means girl. Again, how are these things related? 

What happens when we hold a needle or a gold ring over her belly? Does it move in a circle, or a straight line?

Or does she just make a sassy face?

Ok, it was circle. But of course Ross had to explain the physics behind why, because he likes to ruin our capers. He was all "the rotation of the Earth will cause things to spin blah blah blah" and we were all "but this is way more sciencey than adding her age and the year together to find something out (which we had just done with the Chinese gender test) so just let us do this experiment" and then he was like "ok, whatever, but if you get criticized for your methodology don't say I didn't warn you" and we were like "yeah, I don't think that's gonna be what people criticize us for."

Next: Are her legs large? (Compared to what?) We thought no, and didn't take that one seriously enough to investigate any further. Is her pee a dull color? (Also, compared to what? Like the time I had to do a lab test involving peeing all day and the technician asked me if I needed a big cup or a little one...I was like, I don't know, what do you usually give people? And she was like "I give people what they need - do you pee a lot or a little?" And I was like "compared to what?" and then got all huffy and just gave me one of the cups...I don't know if it was a big one or a little one, so I still don't know if I pee a lot or a little. Good tangent. Moving on.) 

If you are currently thinking "Lynds, shut up about the pee already," you should just stop reading this now and read about something else cool from today, like Batkid or Rob Ford's interrogation or mustaches. Because the next bit involves lots of pee.

Apparently, if you mix a pregnant woman's urine with things, it will tell you the secret gender of your unborn baby. And since we were this far into the whole thing anyways, and Kelle is too impatient to just wait until the day after Thanksgiving when her ultrasound is scheduled for (and by "Kel is too impatient" I mean I wanna know now if I'm having a niece or nephew!), we went ahead and did those tests too!

Baking soda test - no fizz at all, which means girl!

Drano test - a little reaction there, which meant boy (aw).

Cabbage test - it stayed purple - girl again!

does anyone need half a red cabbage? We have extra....

And finally, baking powder. In retrospect, I should have read the internet more closely, because it turns out this isn't actually a real test. It was just a gross science experiment that ended up with a pee explosion and told us nothing! Boo.

Is it weird that I feel like I should apologize for my dirty table?

Now, with all that work, we could have just taken this online quiz from Childbirth.org, which supposedly combines all these things (except the pee tests) into one and gives you a percentage. At the end of the night we did, and she scored 72% girl, which just about matches up with what we discovered. But doing it this way was more fun. Also more gross. But so are babies. Fun and gross (see the poo sandwich incident from yesterday if you want more proof). So there.

The final tally - 11 points for girl, 2 for boy, 2 unknowns, and 1 explosion

Exhausted

14 Hour workday today. Sick Grandma, sicker uncle, lots of debate about whether or not to go home to Chicago to see them, maybe say goodbye. Didn't get to see my kiddo, except in pictures. Or do yoga. Or eat dinner (except for cookies, but they don't count). But I'm posting, cause I promised myself I'd follow through on this. More exciting things coming up, like a fun science experiment, new art from Ross, a restaurant review, maybe even one of my favorite lessons in blog form. Not tonight, though. Tonight I'm going to wash my face, brush my teeth, and curl up in bed with an episode of Parks and Rec, and maybe my husband (although Ron Swanson will be on the screen, so I could just imagine he's there...)

Several Haikus About My Day (because why not)

Bart Trains are smelly
People talk much too loudly
Dudes, close your legs please

Observation stress
Thank god for the internet
I made the kids laugh

Gallagher and farms
A real match made in heaven
Watermelon smash

Art school students rock
They dance and sing in the halls
Parents, not so much

Mama, look, the twains!
I know honey, I saw them
But mama, there's twains!

Orange Golden Gate
Beautiful fog-free evening
San Francisco love



Ok, so I kind of know "why not" with the haikus, but honestly, I couldn't get myself going to write this evening. Today was a lot. Not all bad, but not all good, and Emmet cried and whined our whole ride home from the Bay Area Discovery Museum (I took lots of pictures, and I'm gonna review it tomorrow I think - AMAZING kid's museum). But before that, I had my biennial observation at work, which I think went well but was stressy all the same. I did a great lecture on advertising techniques with lots of commercials and video clips, and the kids seemed to enjoy it, so that was good. My boss said he enjoyed it too, so yay! Did lots of work on curriculum and other school advocacy stuff, attempted to get going on my National Boards, but I didn't get anywhere. Then the boys came and picked me up and we had some amazing playtime up in Sausalito. But man, I am beat now. So tired, so ready for an episode of Friday Night Lights and a drink.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today, I'm thankful for: The Bay Area's awesomeness, the hole in the fence in my backyard, rum, just-sharpened pencils, triple chunk brownie mix

List #2 - Songs and Videos I Like

I love all these things, usually at different times. Today, I love them all at once, so much so that I want to share them. They're mostly genuinely good songs, with a couple of exceptions, but you'll like those, because they're terribly good. Or you won't, because you have no sense of humor.

My "strutting" song is "Superstition," by Stevie Wonder. That bass line, the trumpet response, the tempo - it just works for making me walk like I mean it, you know? I think everyone's got a strutting song, and if you don't know yours yet, you should find it, because putting your song on when you're walking down the street is like getting an injection of "Hell Yeah I'm Awesome" right into the brain.

I'll often follow that one up with a little bit of P!nk (U + Ur Hand) and Save Ferris (Bonus Track from Modified) because they both make me feel empowered and sexy in a strong woman kind of way.

And after that, if I'm lucky, I'll get to have a date with my husband, and I'll try to do my sexy dance. Which really only makes him laugh, but whatever. I do what I like, and what I like is dancing to this song. I first listened to Morphine one lovely afternoon before we were married, on a drive to nowhere that ended at Pt Reyes, and now they're a staple in my late night music collection.

When I wanna cry, in a good way, I throw this one on. In the best and sappiest ways, it encompasses everything I'd hoped to be able to do for myself when I was younger, and everything I want for my kiddo. Also, I really like to try to sing along to it. No one else here likes it when I do that, except for maybe my sister's dog, so it mostly happens in my car. So if you see me singing in the Ninja, "Brave" by Sara Barielles is probably why.

Also, both of these by Matt Harding. I discovered them ages ago, and whenever I want to feel good about the world and let a couple tears fall, I watch them. So inspiring. My favorite moments: When everyone rushes in, when he dances along with the Indian women, when they all dance in Oakland (represent!), and the very end of the 2012 video when he has his son with him. I'm literally tearing up right now it makes me so happy.

"Where the Hell is Matt" 2008

"Where the Hell is Matt" 2012

In a similar vein, when I'm thinking about how much I love my family, there are a couple of songs that get me going. One is "Home" by Michael Buble. His voice is so smooth, and the song just captures that essence of missing someone so much. Ross and I spent so much time as a long-distance couple, and I live so far from most of my extended family, and this just rolls all that together into an excellent piece of music.

More specific to my kiddo and Ross, "Ho Hey" by the Lumineers is just fun. It has to be played loudly. There's no other way.

My favorite funny video is so nonsensical I really can't even explain why it's so funny, except for the walrus bit. And the fridge. And the making fun of Justin Timberlake. And how it was originally presented in a loop (like Vines) so it just kept going and going and getting funnier and funnier...I recommend playing it at least twice, if not three times. (If you want to see the original, go here)

And finally, my very favorite music video ever made. There is nothing in the world that compares to this. It's deep, thoughtful, almost revolutionary. And all in the stupidest way possible. They're so serious, and I can't believe that they're that serious, but they are and it might be the best thing to ever happen on the internet. Please, if you didn't hit play on anything else in this list, hit play on this one.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today, I'm thankful for YouTube, discount rum at the Lucky's up the street, moons that look like big grins, my mother's good health and enchiladasagna, which I am about to go eat right now.

In Which I Attempt to Talk About Kids TV Without Making Other Parents Feel Judged

There are some shows I never let my kid watch. Not because I think television is terrible. I don't, although I think it does get used as a parent replacement much too often (I see the results in my classroom - it's not a good thing, trust me). However, some shows are just the worst.

Here are 7 that will never get any airtime at my house:

1. Caillou - that whiny little kid is infuriating (seriously, even getting that link forced me to listen to him say "We could look for dinosaur fossils" and made me so mad!). No way I want to have to listen to him in the background, let alone allow him to influence my sweetheart of a kid think that's an ok way to behave. There's a whole army of parents on the internet who like to fight about this one, but for me, it's mostly about how I just want to throw things at him.

2. Martha Speaks - I don't know why, but she creeps me out. I always feel like she's just pretending to be nice, like that old lady next door in horror movies who lures you in with cookies and then eats your eyeballs. (Is that a real horror movie thing, or did I make that up? I wouldn't know, cause of how I'm a wuss and hardly ever watch scary movies)

3. Teletubbies - I swear, this is one giant infomercial for drugs. Smoke some pot, hallucinate a little, relax and giggle with a baby. Nope.

4. Yo Gabba Gabba - Those songs get stuck in my head. And then they torture me. Also this show is like baby crack. They love it, but it's frenetic and makes me feel like I've just downed three Red Bulls. Do Not Want.

5. Veggie Tales - I know, they have awesome morals and decent storylines and kids love them, but THEY HAVE NO ARMS. And yet they hold things! If there's evil magic out there in the world, I think there's a good chance it was used to make that darn pickle. Also, I want my kid to eat vegetables, not make friends with them.

6. Barney and Friends - My little brother watched this one non-stop when he was a kid. I still feel bad for those poor children who had to act so excited about cleaning up and loving each other. Have you ever really looked at their faces? Those are smiles of pain, not joy, just like the faces of parents everywhere who have to watch this with their kids.







7. Chuggington - Bratty trains who have to have everything explained for them. I watched one episode of this, about painting with some weird contraption and giving up after making a mistake and then being coddled and coaxed into trying again, and I don't think I've ever yelled at the TV more (ok, that's a lie...I yell at sports and Supernatural and Once Upon A Time and dumb politicians...but aside from that, this wins). And me yelling at the TV does not accomplish my goal of "calm kid learning things so I can sit down for 20 minutes and write", so Chuggington is out.

And now, the good stuff. I like these shows, and I'll watch them with my kid sometimes. They're not perfect, but he likes them, and I don't throw things when they're on, so everyone wins!

1. Dinosaur Train - Ok, so this is probably the weakest one of all these. It makes no sense - how did the Tyrannosaurus end up in the Pteranodon nest? Did the mom cheat on the dad? Did someone steal the egg and drop it off? How is it possible for dinosaurs to invent trains? The train can time travel to different eras but they can't use it to keep from going extinct? And they sing rockabilly music with an Elvis impersonator? So many questions, so few answers. But the learning part is solid, and the kids are mostly well behaved, and both parents are involved and actively parenting. Plus, my kiddo is obsessed with both Dinosaurs and Trains, so there's really no escaping it.

2. Shining Time Station/Thomas the Tank Engine - Classic. Trains trying to do good things, working hard, not too frenetic, and reminds me of hanging out with my cousins, many of whom were so into Thomas and his buddies. Plus, Ringo Starr and George Carlin as Mr. Conductor (or DaDucator, as my kiddo calls him). The guys in the jukebox are creepy in the best ways. Love it.

3. The Magic School Bus - Ms. Frizzle is my alter-ego, so the fact that my kiddo loves "Skoobussh" is awesome. And really, what's not to like - lots of learning, establishing that school can be fun, and Lily Tomlin as the most enthusiastic, figure-it-out-yourself teacher. Sometimes I'll come home and even Ross will be telling me about something cool he learned from the episode they watched. The field trip through the digestive system is the best known episode, but there's so much more. AND! The kids pretty much all grow up to be part of Captain Planet's team of earth defenders - check out an episode of each if you don't believe me!

4. Sesame Street - The original best kid's show ever. So much learning! Seriously. One day I asked Emmett to count to 5, and it was the usual "hold up my fingers and count all singsong" deal (without the number 4, because he refuses to acknowledge that 4 is a number) but then he kept going! He counted to 8 without my help (I know, you can count to 8 by yourself too, but you're older than two, or you're a if you are reading this and under two, you're a genius). Ross and I were stunned - where did he learn that? And then! He kept going! All the way to Eleven! Any kids show that gives me the opportunity to make a Spinal Tap reference wins all the points. Plus - they have special episodes available online to help kids deal with the tough stuff - divorce, incarcerated parents, hunger...seriously good work.

5. Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood - A Mr. Roger's Neighborhood spinoff/sequel. It's not as good as Mr. Rogers, but what is. The downside: those repetitive little songs are kind of annoying. The upside: My kiddo now greets me with "Hiya Toots" which is hilarious, and probably inappropriate, but I love the show in spite of it (or maybe because of it!)

6. The Muppet Show - My childhood favorite. Jim Henson's best idea. We have to watch this one on DVD because it's not on Netflix. Boo Netflix, get it together and get this one and the next two available already! I want to sing along and light the lights! Also, all the Muppet movies are allowed. There is no better version of The Christmas Carol than the Muppet version.

7. Fraggle Rock - Personally, Mokey is my favorite. I'm pretty sure that's because she's the one who's most like me. My sister is definitely Red, and Ross is Uncle Traveling Matt. This show also has the best theme song of almost any show ever.

8. Eureeka's Castle - Probably the hardest one to find anywhere, and also one of the kookiest things I've ever seen on kid's tv. Weird dungeon creatures obsessed with peanut butter, a dragon, a witch, singing fountain sculptures...But that makes sense, since it was R.L. Stine's attempt to imitate Jim Henson!

9. Curious George - Yeah, he's often naughty, but never intentionally. Also I don't get why no one ever calls the Man in the Yellow Hat on his stupid outfit. But, it's a sweet good-natured show, William H Macy narrates it, and the movies have good soundtracks, so I'm in.





So there you go - a huge list of kid's tv shows. What shows do you like?

Butterfly Photography

I'm having the darndest time figuring out how to photograph the lovely paintings Ross has been doing over the last week. He's been experimenting a lot with color, pattern, and technique and has created some really beautiful stuff, but my photography skills are not up to par. I've taken the same series of each butterfly, and while some of them are close to good, none of them are excellent. Here's what I've got so far:  

I'm calling this one "Butterfly A" because I'm creative like that.

 Now we have Butterfly B, which is my personal favorite, even though (or maybe because!) Ross likes it least. I think it's perfect for my niece's room.

 Butterfly C:

And last but not least, Butterfly D. (Side Note: Blogger, why are you so crappy with formatting pictures? I would have loved to have each set laid out horizontally, but that's not even close to an option, and it messes up all my text! Argh).

So now the question is, do I put these up on the Etsy site? Or wait until I figure out my photography some more? I found our old Panasonic Lumix camera, which took some nice pictures, but what I didn't find was the cord that lets me download those pictures onto a computer. So for the time being, I'm using my iPhone, which isn't bad, but isn't great either. It did take this picture today, though, so that's not too shabby (if you like creepy clowns who hang out at playgrounds and check their email while riding unicycles)