List #4 - What I Love About Ross

This is my third attempt at a blog post tonight. Post 1 was about me and Emmett walking around town and checking stuff out. But the stuff we checked out was: several dead leaves, a bus stop, some rocks in a neighbor's yard, five different sticks, two mason's stamps in the sidewalk, and a closed library. Not much story in that story. I did see a cool tree, and I took a picture and posted it on Instagram, but all that stuff, even with descriptions, doesn't make a good blog post. Next, I thought I'd try to answer all of James Lipton's "Inside the Actor's Studio" questions. "Quick and easy," I thought. Wrong. Hard, and slow (inappropriate!). So, after two fails, I walked around the house, and stumbled past this old message board of ours, with a list on it disgustingly titled "Things I <3 About You."

I wrote the list ages ago, when we were still living in the Lake Merritt apartment. This old whiteboard/corkboard combo that hung on a nail on the back of our apartment door, and for a while, all that was on it were notes like "mail check to mom" or "library books due 4/10" or "don't forget to bring extra pants." I don't know why we would need extra pants, but maybe we were going wading in a river or visiting baby hippos or something with equal mess potential. Regardless, we did not want to forget.

Then one day I decided that, instead of boring reminders about important things like pants (seriously, they're essential), I would fill the board with a running list of things that I loved about Ross. I added to it slowly, whenever a thought struck me, and now, 3 years later, we still have this old whiteboard, with my list, hanging out on the floor of our laundry room in our new place. It was on display for ages, and I'm sure almost everyone we know has seen it already, so this blog seems like just the place to give it a permanent home, in case I accidentally erase anything on it while walking past. So now, without any further ado, here is my list, with added commentary.

1. His deep, warm, belly-shaking laugh. He doesn't let it out really very often. He's not a fan of comedies, which is a shame, because his laugh is contagious. Loud and full throated, his deep voice resonates wherever he is. I just know that he was one of those kids who used to get shushed by his teacher all the time because his voice carries. If he really likes a joke (or has startled me in an extra funny way), his eyes crinkle up in the cutest way. I mean, have you seen how handsome he was when he was 19?

2. The way he smells, especially when I bury my face in his neck. Just something about it. He smells like home and man and usually some sawdust too. Like Ron Swanson, he enjoys woodworking. Did you see the excellent table he built?

3. He gives me little sweet kisses whenever I want them. Sappy, I know. But I'm a sucker for forehead kisses, so it's good that he does this.

4. He smells so good. Ok, this is starting to feel like TMI...but he really does. If you want to come over and smell him, I could try to talk him into cooperating. But it's not likely he will.

5. He makes the cutest noises when he's falling asleep. I really didn't think this blog post through. Falling asleep noises? I mean, I love them, and him, but this is "teenage girl diary" territory. You're all gonna vomit from the overly sweet sappiness that's going on here. Why did no one point this out to me before?

oh, crap...

6. Orgasms :) Yes, that smiley face is on the original. Is this ok to share? Probably not. Dammit. But we're married, and you're all adults, so it should be fine, right? Yeah, I'm not really convincing myself, but I'm so far into this post, and I've already scrapped 2 others. I make bad decisions when I pour myself a whiskey before writing. Please don't stop reading just because I referenced orgasms. I promise not to do it again.

7. He supports me through tough times and my own weaknesses without judgment and with lots of love. He actually likes some of my weaknesses. Like how easily startled I am. And how indecisive and impulsive I can be. He's laughing his ass off at me right now as I try to decide if this is the worst blog post ever and I should start a 4th, or if I should just soldier through and be done. Not helpful, Ross!

But! Because he's an awesome husband, he also offered to go buy me more whiskey so I would feel invincible and not mortified by how nauseatingly sweet this post is.

8. When I am feeling down or sad, all I want is to come home to him, because one of two things happens...I talk to him about it and maybe cry a little, and then I feel better; or I see him and hug him and kiss him, and feel so lucky to love him, that I forget all about being sad, and then I feel better. Ok, I think I might vomit now too. (sidenote: am I allowed to make that joke? I think I am).

9. I don't need a reason. I do what I want! Yeah! So there! I am woman, hear me roar (and cringe).

10. I always miss him when we're apart. Unless I'm mad at him. But even then, I usually miss him. And not only because I'm a softy romantic fairy-tale lover, but because I can't find my things when he's not around. I'm hopeless at keeping track of keys, shoes, phone...it's really ridiculous. I've lost things that were in my hand at the time.

11. He's happy when I come home. Imagine a dog, waiting patiently at the door, wagging it's tail the moment you enter your house. Yeah, it's nothing like that. Just a genuine smile, a hug and a kiss, and a desperate need to talk to someone who can have conversations about more than train-dinosaur-cows-lettuce. Seriously, I get more news, and questions, about the outside world from him in 15 minutes than I do during my 2 hours of NPR and 3 hours of teaching history during my day.

12. I'm so excited to be married to you. Ok, this one, totally true. I really really like this marriage thing. Ross is a great husband - better at being a husband than he was boyfriend or fiance (not that you were bad at those things babe!), and that makes me really happy.

13. He loves me and takes care of me when I'm very very drunk on my 30th birthday and cna'y write sraight, or in Emglish, apernntly. THe end of LIST. I vaguely remember writing this one. But I'm still around, and so is he, so it must be true. Also, I can't guarantee that's what #13 says. It's pretty tricky to read. But that might be the whiskey...let me know if I'm wrong, if you can decipher this.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm still not convinced I should hit publish on this one...but just to be safe, I'll finish up with my usual small things. I'm thankful for the 1400 Bar and Grill on Webster St because they love love love my kiddo, for the bargain bin at Lucky's because I got the kiddo some cool (not really) sunglasses with Thomas the Tank Engine on them for $1, my "Yoga Workout" station on Pandora (not that I've done much yoga recently, but it's great background music for grading), parenthesis, and greek pizza leftovers.

Why It's President Obama's Fault We Got Married

Ross and I met in 1999 on a blind date type deal. I was only 18 years old and home on break from college. He was a dashing young Marine who loved art. The first time we saw each other, I was dancing around the rim of a fountain (and Ross was probably hoping I'd fall in, 'cause it would have been funny). After seeing a really crummy movie, during which we established our unending love of bad jokes and witty commentary, we ended up at Harbor House.

Ross and I hit it off like crazy that first night, and we were inseparable for the rest of my first spring break home from college. Once I went back to school, we talked on the phone until my cordless phone battery died, and emailed each other constantly. One month after we met, he came to visit me at school, and in the sweetest and most romantic way, told me he loved me - we were both completely surprised by how quickly we fell for each other. Over the summer of that year, we took long walks on the beach and gazed off into the sunset a lot (I know, vomit, right?!), but soon my teenage dream of a summer romance was drawing to a close - Ross was leaving to go to school. In New York!

Not all that surprisingly, rather than break up, we just decided to put Ross in debt by talking on the phone constantly and flying cross country every few months. After a year, though, I talked Ross into coming to California again, because the weather's way better here. By 2002ish (I don't remember exactly - it was a while ago!) we were both living in San Diego. Unfortunately, things unraveled a bit for us then - and devastatingly, we broke up after 4 years together.

This is what sad TV watching looks like, I swear! 

For 6 looooong years, we both mourned the loss of our first love. I stayed home night after night, watching sad movies and doing absolutely nothing fun. Ross did the same thing, just somewhere else.

And then, in 2008, we got back in touch. I was living in Oakland, and he was in San Diego. Ross emailed me, pretty much out of the blue, to congratulate me on Obama's win. After all those years, he still remembered that I'm a crazy liberal hippie type! We met up for drinks in San Diego the day after Christmas, at this dive of a place called the Camel's Breath Inn, and after conversations about what we'd been up to for 6 years (mostly lots of school for both of us) and also lots of lies about panthers (he tried to convince me they could see in the dark, I tried to convince him they could secretly talk), we ended up closing down the bar for the night, after which we both promptly became deathly ill for almost a week.

Fast forward to a year later. We figured since we'd had so much fun the last year, why not make it a Christmas tradition to have drinks the day after. This time was different, though. I had a plan - ever since seeing Ross again, I just knew that I would never be happy if we didn't try again. He kept popping into my thoughts again and again, and no man had ever measured up to him. I looked back on our first years together, and just thought of how young we were - I didn't know how to stick with a relationship then! But now, the older and much smarter me figured, why not? So I got all dressed up for that year's Christmas beer, enlisted the help of my sister Kelle, and set out to rekindle the romance. 

This is the only picture we have of the night we got back together...and you can't even see the top half of Ross's head

A few drinks later, we knew it was probably time to go home, but couldn't seem to leave each other. Ross was remembering how much fun it was to hang out with me and my family, and I was remembering how much I loved talking to him! One night turned into two, turned into three, and then a few nights later, I suggested that he call in sick to work for a spontaneous trip up to Oakland. If you know Ross, you know that there has to be a damn good reason for him to be spontaneous, and apparently this was it! He called in sick to work and even agreed to make a stop at my parents house on the way up north (swearing the whole time that he'd better wear a blindfold and be smoking his last cigarette, because he was sure my father was going to kill him!). Out in the backyard that night, while we were having a glass of wine and I babbled on about how much I love Oakland, he (so not shockingly) made fun of me. I know, crazy, right? I laughed (because I grew up a Schlax/Liggett combo, and if you can't laugh at yourself, you just won't survive!), and then he said "I'm just kidding - you know I love you." Instantly he froze, terrified that he'd said those three words without thinking about it. So while frozen, he thought about it...and then he said it again. 

The next day we drove up to Oakland together, and three months later, he was a Northern California resident!

In my head: Ohmygodohmygodohmygod

And that almost brings us up to now - he tells me he loves me every day, and in May of 2010, he proposed to me in the cutest way that he possibly could have, I think - knowing my dorky heart, he dropped to one knee in front of all my students and friends at the Prom I'd planned for the high school I work at. It was stunning and beautiful and we have professional photos and video even, all because of his sneakiness! Almost immediately after he proposed, one student ran through the whole dance telling everyone I'd just gotten engaged, and within 5 minutes we were both mobbed with giddy well-wishers. Since then we've traveled, moved, gotten married, and had a little goofball with big curly hair, and mostly been so dang happy it's ridiculous. (Yes, I'm totally bragging.)

So that's our grand love story - and it's all Obama's fault, really - if he hadn't won, Ross never would have emailed me again, and we may never have met up the day after Christmas...

Wedding day...probably my favorite of our professional portraits, by an amazing photographer!

So, we're starting a business. Which is exciting, but so intimidating! At the moment, the whole thing is just a bunch of paint, paper, and a pile of lists (the paint is Ross...the lists are mine), but I think just maybe by next year we might have something excellent!


Ross has been an artist most of his life, I think. For sure since I met him 13 years ago. He was the cutest thing...all tough and grown up and clean-cut, with his Marine Corps fatigues and his buzzed hair, but with this romantic side that drew me to him. He talked about painting and drawing and played Mazzy Star and called me exactly when he said he would. Being the starry-eyed 18 year old hippie I was, I bought into that romance almost instantly. I loved the idea of him before I knew the reality of him, and then I loved the reality even more. He was thoughtful, kind, protective...and I loved that he was an artist. I always wanted to be one...and every once in a while I made something pretty (I'm excellent at collaging!), but I've never been an artist like Ross is. It's in his soul...just the way he looks at the world (and at me - swoon!) is through artist's eyes.

But a few years ago, he kind of stopped creating...and was sad about it. I was too...I love his art. We were struggling with money, and he got one boring job at Borders, and then another at a hardware store, and then just after he was offered a management position at Borders (requiring him to quit the hardware store so he could be full time at the bookstore), Borders went out of business...which of course happened just a few months after I got pregnant with our first child. Faced with the choice between ridiculously expensive childcare or the loss of his income, we chose for Ross to stay home and be a full-time dad and part-time student. Our son, who was born in November 2011, is thriving! He's funny, polite and smart - he tells nonsense jokes and laughs at them, yells out "gonna gichoo" and then chases us around the house, and loves saying "nankyoo" and "y'elcome" after we read books to him.

Our finances, though, are not thriving...and neither is Ross's art. So...we're starting a business! Etsy and home decorations, here we come! Ross is painting watercolors of vegetables as we speak...and I'm making lists. Business plan, marketing, finances, etc. And we're both crossing our fingers. I think we can make something awesome happen, and I'm going to document it all. The painting process, the creation of our store, our (hopeful) entry into local farmer's markets and festivals, and the finger-crossing-hope-so-hard-it-happens realization of a dream we didn't realize we had. The creation of a business we can run from home, and the establishment of my wonderful husband's art career!