Friday, October 10, 2014

List #13 - Things I am Not Ashamed of

Last Friday, someone from my past threatened to "expose" lies he seems to think are true about me (via a nasty email to my family and friends), along with a few things that actually are true, in an attempt to make me feel awful about myself, to intimidate me, and to get me to do something I do not want to do. This got me thinking that, even though he's wrong about a pile of things, I'm not I'm ashamed of things that I am, or things that I was, or things that I did.
How many things he's wrong about

My experiences are a part of my self, and I think I'm pretty alright. So here is a list of things I might not talk about all that often, but that I'm not ashamed of:

1. I took antidepressants. For that time that I was depressed. It's a pretty common thing, and I know lots and lots of people who've done the same. They helped me. When I was depressed, I couldn't figure out how to get past the "I can't possibly face the world" feelings long enough to even get myself to a therapist, which is kind of important for getting better. Antidepressants made that possible. They also helped me get some real sleep and quieted down some of the mean thoughts my brain was having. I didn't have the best experience stopping them (some quack told me it was fine to just stop...SO not true - that landed me in the ER with serious withdrawal symptoms), but all in all, I'd recommend that someone who is as depressed as I was in 1999 talk to their doctor, 'cause they just might help. Definitely not ashamed.

2. I had an eating disorder. You probably know about that already. I've written about it a few times. No shame - in fact, I want people to know, because the more people know about eating disorders, the easier it will be for others who have them to speak up and seek out help.


3.  I am a feminist. (Yes, seriously, he seems to think that I won't want people to know that). I get the idea he hasn't read this blog.

4. I enjoy sex. Being the typical adult woman that I am, I'm not anti-sex. Most women like sex. Most people like sex. We are created through it, we have biological and emotional and social urges to do it. We talk about it, see it in movies and on TV, think about it, make huge decisions about who to have it with and who not to, and how to have it, and when, and where, and how often, and what should the purpose be, and how to avoid it with people we don't like, or people we used to like but don't anymore. Sex is a huge part of humanity, an important part of a healthy marriage, and I don't think that's a shameful thing at all. I think it's fascinating. When I grow up more, I want to be like SueJo. Have you ever seen her? It's amazing. She's so sex-positive and non-judgey and seems like she just has so much fun, with sex and with life aside from sex.

And she provides such a service to people! How wonderful, to know how to really enjoy such a huge part of the human experience! We are lucky that she does what she does. And that Dr. Ruth does what she does. Also, Masters and Johnson, Good Vibrations, Violet Blue, and on and on

These people are some of the ones who taught me that you can choose your choice. That advocating for what you like is the best thing for you (in regards to sex and to life in general). That liking one thing one time with one person IN NO WAY obligates you to like that thing again, with the same person or with a different one. They are how I know that the "nice guy syndrome" exists, and how I know why men who claim to be "nice guys" in that way really aren't.

"Perhaps you need a crash course in taking hints. Here's your first lesson: We're not actually walking somewhere together; I'm trying to leave this conversation and you're following me." via xkcd

5. I dated people before I got married. Some of those people had jobs. Maybe even jobs that not everyone would choose to do, or choose to tell people they did. But only one guy was ever really mean to me. And that had nothing to do with his job. Also, I don't have to own responsibility for the jobs that all the people in my life have had at some point or another. Don't like the job that someone I once dated had?

6. I changed colleges. I started at Cal Berkeley and then transferred to San Diego State. For reasons. Those included depression, wanting to be a teacher, and my future husband living in San Diego. A full 1/3 of students transfer, "most commonly in their second year" which is when I did. Not a big deal. Definitely not shameful. 

7. I'm clumsy. Like all the people in infomercials. I think "As Seen on TV" products were made with me in mind.

via buzzfeed
8. I startle easily. Like, really easily. I'm like this guy, except that I think it's funny. 

Seriously, yesterday I asked Ross for my toothbrush, and then got startled when he handed it to me.

9. I used to drink whiskey. I'm sure you're shocked. It was usually Jack Daniels. Now I tend to prefer Bulleit Bourbon. Oooh, or Breaking & Entering Bourbon from St. George. Or wine. Mmm, wine.

I'm sure there's more. I'm not particularly ashamed of much of anything in my life. Are there things I would do differently if given a second chance? Probably! But who wouldn't? Also, I wouldn't be the exact person I am now if these things hadn't happened, and I like me.

I am thankful once again for my husband, who stands by my side through everything. And for my sister, who can make me laugh about even the worst things, and just that makes it all seem more manageable. And my parents...dang guys, you got put through it this week. I love you. Also I'm thankful for our new giant dog. Gertrude is awesome!


  1. Take the wind out of their sails by revealing the things they threaten you with. If every politician would just say they tried pot and love sex we would have a lot less drama in the news. You sound like every other person on the planet. Except you aren't afraid to say the things many others are ashamed of. Good for you.

  2. If you should be ashamed, then I should be too! And most people I know. Yay for you being honest and open.